A nudge from above

Lately I have been ‘too busy’ to blog…as I have been feeling for many things in my life. Always running, wheels spinning…but never accomplishing, never satisfied with my performance in every aspect in my life (mother, keeper of my home, wife, nurse, roles at church…etc,etc). It’s a defeating feeling. My brain feels scattered, and my life a circus. Never slowing, always something.

My blog is beyond behind. Not that anyone else cares. But I care. Only because the sole purpose I blog..is so that I have a record..a journal… for my children. So that they will have something to read someday from their mother. Journaling the events..big and small..and the moments that I want to remember always. Unfortunately, I am so behind…many moments..fun (I would like to remember moments) didn’t get written down. And with my brain in a fog right now…I have a hard time remembering things. Tonight..I just needed to write…to vent…to unbottle everything I have been feeling. So for now..this post I need to write. Soon to come {hopefully}…a very large recap of the last 4 moths (for my own journaling purposes).

What I really wanted to write tonight is this…

In what started out as a hunt through Google Images to find ideas for crafting ‘seaweed’ for an embellishment to the plate for Kate’s 'school of fish' cupcake-cake for her party at the aquarium…..I stumbled upon a blog that I needed to find. One post lead to the next..to the next..which ended in a moment that has been long overdue. 

A moment that left me

vulnerable

crying

and

on my knees in prayer.

 

Lately, I have found myself hating the mother I have become. The too busy for imagination and fun, full of harsh tones and words , impatient, easily irritated, cold. I don’t know how I got here. But I don’t want to stay here.

I want my children to know me as warmth, gentleness, sweetness….oozing with honest (not sappy or overdone) sweetness, and LOVE

un-abounding and never-wavering love.

That is what I want my children to feel in the core of their being when they think of their mother.

I know I have failed my children and myself in this lately.

I am sorry my sweet loves. You are my joy, my laughter, my life, my world. I love you with every fiber of my being. I am sorry I have forgotten to show you that lately.

I pray that I slow down, enjoy your screams of pure innocent joy and laughter, take time to imagine and play, experience the world with you. And make you feel cherished, important, listened too and special.

I love you always.

When I said I stumbled upon this blog. I don’t mean stumbled. I didn’t stumble….it was a nudge from above to read these exact words at this exact time. Thank you Lord for knowing what I needed.

The posts that fed my soul

Sweet and Slow  http://jeremiahsniece.blogspot.com/search/label/marriage

Be Sweet  http://jeremiahsniece.blogspot.com/search/label/marriage

But especially this one…..

Prayer for my sons thoughts and words  http://jeremiahsniece.blogspot.com/search/label/prayer (although this was more a prayer for me).

My Little Pigeon

Kate's first Dance performance was June 23rd. She played a pigeon (and a cute one at that!) in Mary Poppins.

She was beautiful…and stole the show! I was worried she would get stage fright from the big stage, lights and a huge audience…but she LOVED every minute of it. I was soooo proud of my big girl. She couldn’t wait to get out on stage…she was already busting moves as she was waiting off stage….and just danced her heart out on stage. Big mommy tears…let me tell you! But my favorite moment of her recital was at the curtain call when she waved and smiled the whole way across the stage. All the other 3 yr. olds…timidly walked across the stage holding hands and not looking at the audience…but not Kate…she was eating it up!

Sweet Kate…Mommy and Daddy were so proud of you. You did such a wonderful job.

 

Look at that sass! I LOVE it

I ordered pigeon cookies from our favorite cookie lady. Soo tasty.

Thank you to everyone that came. You all made Kate’s day extra special!

We love you sweetie!

Someone has a dance recital coming up…

Can you guess what she is suppose to be??… You would never guess from her costume

A PIGEON…. for her grand debut in MARY POPPINS

Summer…Finally

After soo much rain and a cool start to summer….we have been busy enjoying the nice weather finally.

One of our favorite spots

My new favorite spring perennial {Linaria maroccanna…aka..baby snap dragon or toadflax}

Dinos at the zoo for the summer

First swim of the summer

Back to our favorite garden for a picnic dinner and walking

 

Gardening and planting flowers

Movie in the park…..KFC, bounce houses..animal show, and Megamind for the movie. During the animal show, I volunteered to assist and ending up having to help hold a humongous python snake. Literally took three adults to hold it. And then it peed on my hands. Eewww. And let me tell ya…snake pee is STINKY!

Family nights at our favorite garden…picnic dinner, a cultural performance and crafts for the kids. So far we have seen Capoiera (Brazilian martial arts dance) and Kenshin Taiko drumming (Japanese drumming). Both have been great! We just love setting up our picnic blanket..eating dinner and learning something new!

And Daddy’s day. We love you Eric! A nice relaxing ..but rainy day. Enjoyed egg scramble burritos and fruit for breakfast. cozied in during the afternoon… and had a pizza and movie night..followed by homemade blueberry pie. Eric’s favorite. We enjoyed celebrating the man and daddy of our house. We are crazy about ya my dear. Thanks for all you do and for the man and father that you are. hug, hug…kiss,kiss…big hug..little kiss. (haha..name that movie. Can you tell I'm writing this at 2 am)

A little about Kate

  Just thought I should do an ‘update’ on Kate. Not as much changes with toddlers as babies…but some things I want to remember of her lately

SHE:

    is obsessed with animal figurines. she plays with them all day long. they eat  with her, play with her, go on car rides and to the store with her, bathe with her and sleep with her. She goes through phases of which ones she likes best…for a long time it was her squishy lizards…or lizards of any type, then elephants, then tigers, then dinosaurs, then deers…etc.…currently it’s horses.

loves to sing and dance. constantly putting in different CDs..and cranking them load. she found a book of my OLD CDs…and loves them all. Again…she goes through phases. For awhile it was the Bar G Wranglers (haha…a cd Eric and I had bought a couple years ago after seeing them perform), backstreet boys, 98 degrees, Now 5, Celtic music (my St.Patty's day cd)…etc. I shouldn’t admit to owning these CDs. Like I said…very old (high school years)CDs. I hid them once because I was so annoyed…but she found them. Think it’s time they go in the garbage.

 

always wants to be in jammies, naki..with panties, or in her dance cloths, princess dress or swimsuit

changes outfits..on average 5 times a day (arrggg. just more laundry for me).

loves listening to books on CD in the car. thank you library

enjoys our trips to the library. we LOVE our local library….keeps our reading new and exciting and we enjoy all the free activities they provide. (some of our recent favorites below)

loves GREEN smoothies. We make them often (usually bananas, apples, OJ, yogurt, celery, carrots, spinach…and whatever else we have on hand)

won’t keep shoes on while outside. her feet are covered in scrapes

LOVES her Nanny

has a sweet tooth like her mom

loves helping me cook (especially rolling the garlic and making cookies)…but yesterday, when I asked her to help me make a blueberry pie…said “ I can’t be bothered by making a pie today”. Well…OK then. At least she gets straight to the point.

loves her “B” (blanket). she has to have it to sleep

still naps for 2 hrs (most days)

knows her colors, some shapes, alphabet, counts to 14

her favorite show…Zoboomafoo (an animal educational show for preschoolers)

first thing she says to me in the morning..every morning…..”go get my baby mom…..please go get my baby” She loves her sister (most of the time)

loves to be outside

is the master at trying to avoid bedtime….and comes up with a million reasons to get up

is incredibly strong willed and determined

loves to snuggle and get back/leg/arm tickles

makes me smile..makes me crazy. my sweet Kate, I love you so

While Daddy’s Away..

 

We play,play, play.

Actually…I get very lonesome for my hubby when he’s out of town. Eric recently went on a canoeing trip with his friends. So instead of moping around…I decided to take the time to plan some fun things with Kate. She was in need of some special mommy time…and it took our minds off of missing Eric.

We had a blast. Here is what our 4 days alone entailed…

Night 1….visited with my cousin and her girls. Her hubby was canoeing with my hubby…so we were both needing some company

Night 2…It rained all day and all night. We embraced the dreary weather and had a living room CAMPOUT! Who says you can’t have fun in the rain. We set up Kate’s Dora tent…our air mattress, sleeping bags, blankets, pillows and flashlights. The tent ended up being a little too small for the air mattress so it sat on top of the mattress…and my feet stuck out the bottom. And I couldn’t figure out how to set the tent up quite right…so it was slanted on one side. Haha…just another reason I need my husband around. And what campout is complete without a fire and smores??? Luckily we still have a wood burning fireplace. So I made a fire (MY first fire-making experience in our fireplace. Took a little time..but finally got it going) and broke out the roasting sticks and smore supplies. Kate was in heaven. She had a marshmallow/chocolate grin from ear to ear! Then we crawled in to our tent with our flashlights and read our bedtime stories. Which then turned into an hour long shadow puppet adventure. Tents make great backdrops for shadow puppets. And Dinosaur pop up books make great shadows if you hold them right! That was Kate’s first time seeing a shadow puppet. Should I admit that!?! WHy have I not done these with her before. She loved it. IT was a great night and I slept surprisingly well…feet hanging out and all!

 

Chowing on hot dogs, sweet potato fries and fruit!

 

 

 

 

 

Beware….Now entering the TIGER DEN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SMORES anyone….

 

My ridiculous attempt at a tent. A little crooked..but it worked just fine!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enjoying a pancake breakfast and fresh fruit smoothies..after a hard night roughin it! And a little rainy day silliness.

 

Day 2.. attempting to get a sister picture. Ya…it worked out real well…..

and finally. One somewhat decent one

Night 3… MOVIE NIGHT & sleepover in mommy’s bed. With popcorn and goodies of coarse.The movie of the night…Mary Poppins (to get her excited for her upcoming dance performance). I didn’t think it would hold her interest, but she loved it! And was over the moon that she got to sleep in mommy’s bed.

Day 3/ night 4….More Rain. Charlotte wanted to go play outside with her sister soooo bad. Poor baby.

Then to my moms for dinner. Thanks for keeping us company mom! And dinner was delicious.

Day 4….Attended a performance of Alice and Wonderland…Five Guys for lunch…followed by our favorite cupcake shop (ouch…that put a dent in my calories for the month!)

All in all…the time flew by and we had oodles of fun! But we were sooo happy to have Daddy home!